The nurses were talking to each other about how shocked they were that I wasn’t swearing. I wanted to tell them that I couldn’t form the words to swear, but I couldn’t form those words, either. … More My labor story is unusually horrific, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.
This will only be the first in a long line of internal reasoning over the next 18 years, sacrificing what I believe in to do what I need to do for myself and my family. … More I can’t believe I’m about to say this
BUT I’LL JUST NETFLIX AND CHILL OVER HERE IN MY CORNER OF ABJECT TERROR. … More Scary things are scary
I accidentally woke him up around 3 a.m. because I was crying so intensely, because my arms ached so intensely. … More I’m not handling pregnancy the way I thought I would.
I have three words for you: Free baby shit. And how to get it. … More Babies = stuff. Babies also = expensive as fuck. I = cheap.
I freak out at the thought of having such a short stretch of time to get used to momming and being with my son, let alone recovering from the act of creating a human and the trauma of pushing it out of my body. … More My thoughts on working moms are dark and full of terrors
… The other half of me wants to duct tape those people’s mouths shut and tell them that if they utter one more word of pregnancy rainbows and unicorns, I’m going to start lighting fires. … More Coming to terms with pregnancy and woe, and the woe of pregnancy.
I’m convinced people only name their kids those things because they never wanted kids in the first place and naming their kid something stupid is their universal way of sticking it to the kid for even existing. Like, “Fjewl Diamondy Smithfucker.” That’s not a fucking name, man. That’s not a fucking anything. … More That’s it! I’m naming him “Stupid-name-hotep-en.”
This is how I described my boobs to a friend: “It’s like varicose veins … but on your boobs.” … More Early pregnancy woe
TRUTH IN PREGNANCY + PARENTHOOD 