HOW DO YOU DO IT?! That is, in fact, a serious question. How do you work full time while pregnant?
With a baby?
With a child?
With a teenager?!
Prior to pregnancy, I was (at times) considered a workaholic. It’s not that I particularly enjoy investing so much of myself in my work, it’s just that I’m a perfectionist to a fault, and I can’t handle not doing the best possible job I’m capable of doing. I don’t actually like working so hard. I don’t much enjoyment out of it, apart from the pride of a job well done and the ability to pay my bills (and it’s mostly just the ability to pay my bills, or strive toward a performance raise that will give me the ability to pay my bills).
But now that I’m pregnant, and getting more and more pregnant by the day, I find myself thinking back to other women I’ve worked with who worked through pregnancy and then returned when their baby was just a fresh, tiny, wee thing, and I find myself thinking: “How did you do it? How DO you do it?”
I’m working full time while pregnant because I have to, and I’ll continue working full time after the baby comes because I’ll have to. I don’t make enough for my husband to quit his job, and he doesn’t make enough for me to quit mine. Neither of us makes enough for the other to even cut back to part time, because we’re barely squeaking by as it is (and the sad fact is that neither of us makes a bad wage, really, it’s just that life is SO expensive and there’s SO many bills).
But already, I find myself struggling so hard not to nod off after lunch. I get to work and I’m already exhausted and ready to go home. I waddle around the office and lug stuff around, and it’s totally exhausting. And I have an office job.
And I think to after the baby comes, and the not-very-much leave I’ll be given without fear of losing my job (much of which will be unpaid), and I freak out and little more each day.
I freak out at the thought of not getting paid for such a long stretch of time.
I freak out at the thought of having such a short stretch of time to get used to momming and being with my son, let alone recovering from the act of creating a human and the trauma of pushing it out of my body.
I freak out at the thought that we’ll have to leave him with someone else while we work.
I freak out at the thought of how much it will cost to leave him with someone else while we work.
And then I freak out a whole lot more when I realize that there’s just about nothing I can do to change any of it. We can’t afford to change our work situation. We can’t afford daycare (and do I really want to leave him with people I don’t know? NO. I DO NOT.). We can’t afford a nanny. Fuck, man, have you seen the price of diapers? I’m already stockpiling them, because WE CAN’T AFFORD DIAPERS.
But somehow, we’ll find a way to make it all work, because we will have to. And I just wonder how you working parents do it. Because momming, healing from birth, raising a human being … that’s a (more than) full time job in and of itself. Oh how jealous I am of women (or men) who are capable of being stay-at-home parents. If we could afford to do it, one of us would. For the benefit to our child, for the benefit to ourselves and for the peace of mind of not having to worry about the people who are taking care of our child right at this moment. And for the peace of mind of not having to pay for that care.
HOW DO YOU DO IT?! And, I mean, not die of a heart attack or utterly lose your shit all the time? I haven’t even met my son yet, and I know when I have to go back to work I’m just going to sit in the bathroom and cry for at least 10 minutes, and my boobs will probably leak, because GIVING LIFE and whatnot. And because I’ll be tired. And because I’ll be sore. But mostly because I’ll be away from him. When he’s so tiny and new and vulnerable.
AND LASTLY, IT’S 2016 AMERICA. WHY THE FUCK DON’T WE HAVE PAID PARENTAL LEAVE?!
COUNTRIES WITH PAID PARENTAL LEAVE (and how much, as of 2013):
United Kingdom, 280 days
Italy, 140 days
Russia, 140 days
Australia, 126 days
Brazil, 120 days
Canada, 119 days
France, 112 days
Netherlands, 112 days
Spain, 112 days
Turkey, 112 days
Japan, 98 days
Switzerland, 98 days
Germany, 98 days
China, 90 days
South Korea, 90 days
India, 84 days
Indonesia, 84 days
Mexico, 84 days
Saudi Arabia, 70 days
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, 0 DAYS
Reference: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/04/maternity-leave-paid-parental-leave-_n_2617284.html
Complete worldwide list here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_leave#Variation_in_international_law
TRUTH IN PREGNANCY + PARENTHOOD 